So I haven’t posted in a sometime. Between vacation, catchup from vacation, work and Dr. appointments I have been a little distracted. But now I have been asked to post. Well actually my therapist said I should journal. She states that journaling helps a person release emotions and energy. I told her I hate to journal so I will blog.

During my session we talked about my current events, health, family, vacation and the death of my cat. I laughed and said, I really didn’t like her much but boy did I cry when she died. I told her I knew it wasn’t her death that made me cry. It was the grief of my fathers death. She then asked if I have given myself time to grieve. The smart ass that I am, said you want me to schedule time to grieve? She replied yes! She stated that one should block some time to sit a grieve the lose. This way one doesn’t burst out in tears for no apparent reason. So I guess I will have to block some time out.

We did discuss other emotions such as the concern I have that I will be having a six month check up on Tuesday. I told her I knew I am still NED but what bothers me is that I am having a CT Scan and not an MRI or PetScan. Then the tears came. She asked why and I said, I have to fight just to get the right test when I have already fought through so much. We talked about not making a pity party but call the Dr. and discuss my concerns. So I did exactly that and of course these test and types of test are all based on insurance. The insurance companies won’t pay for another Pet-scan. So I have to start with a CT Scan. It is just so crazy. I mean the mammogram and sonogram didn’t show my first tumor. And my tumor markers where normal. I just hate that the insurance companies are dictating what should be done and not my Dr. And on another note, I know we need to find a cure but we also need to find out why this is happening. Why is it that one in eight women will get breast cancer. Why is it that one in four people will get some form of cancer. I just don’t get it. So for now, I will continue to fight for myself, block time to grieve, blog and start adding one healthy habit a week.

Oh on another note, saw my radiologist oncologist and she is very happy with the radiated skin. I also lost five pounds. It’s a start.

I got this! I am blessed.