Three easy words said but hard to live by at times. This past Sunday morning I had the bajeaves scared out of me. I woke up ready to spend another day with some friends that came over to celebrate my big “50” or as Alex my husband friend said version 5.0! But as I was going to change my clothes I felt a lump in my left breast. I instantly panicked! I kept feeling it and it was hard. I said to myself it can’t be BC, I have no breast I have expanders. Then my mind went crazy. I thought ok maybe it is skin cancer and it is inside under my skin. I cried, I panicked then I prayed. I allowed the fears to creep in. My wonderful husband consoled me then my friend held me and said it was nothing and it would be ok. I wiped the tears and went on the day as if nothing. But that night when everyone left all I could do was talk to myself and try to calm myself.

Monday morning I woke up depressed and scared. Called the PS and made an appointment. Sent an email to my boss and said I wasn’t working and that I wasn’t feeling well. My appointment was at 3pm. I convinced myself I was fine and stupid for worrying. My husband met me at the Dr. and I was told it was either scar tissue or allergen. The fake tissue that holds the expander in place. I was relieved as the nurse continued to explain I was fine. She said I was doing great with my weight loss and reconstruction will be 1/31/20. It was a great turn out but I have to say PTSD is real. As I sat in that office all I could do is remember everything I had gone through in just one year. But as I write my blog I also remember how I am loved and how this journey has changed me. I have fallen weaker in my faith these past few months and I need to reconnect. So my goal, which I have many is to reconnect in my faith, continue to work on my health and make myself a priority.

I am blessed! I got this!