Journey through My Cancer

Yesterday, I started to feel a little abnormal. Truthfully, Wednesday afternoon I felt a little out of sorts. But I thought it was the stress of work and the ribbon cutting for our renovated property. So I ignored the feeling Wednesday. Thursday morning I woke up and felt tired. I had an appointment to see my oncologist so I drove. I remember feeling like I didn’t want to drive but I didn’t want to call the kids or Juan.

I got to the Dr. office and waited. I was to get a leucine shot to raise my blood counts. The nurse that came in was a nurse I never saw as the Dr. rotates between 3 office. The nurse said let me draw your blood before the shot. So my Wbc was 3.3 and my red was 3.5. Still I didn’t think much of it. I got my shot and drove home. All I can say is that I wanted to pull over. I didn’t have the strength to even drive. As soon as I got home I sat down immediately. I didn’t want to scare the kids but it even took effort to speak. I thought for sure this cancer finally kicked my ass! I opened my laptop and made a few more calls for work then said I can’t anymore. I lied down and rested. I can’t truly explained the feeling. I was exhausted but couldn’t sleep. I felt like a truck ran me over. I’ve never felt so weird and weak. Juan called me and told me to drink water so I did. I ate some dinner and napped some more.

I feel better this morning but oh boy was yesterday a scare. The injection must have worked. I am tired today but nothing like yesterday. It’s back to the grind today! I am blessed.

Yesterday I interviewed the third and final Surgen. Yes, interviewed. You see must people get three quotes when you do a home improvement well I believe you should also get 3 or 4 interviews when dealing with your body and life. As you may recall my first interview was with Dr. Kay from MD Anderson. Probably the most direct and heartless female surgen I’ve met. She is probably good at her surgery’s but no compassion. Then my second interview was with Dr. Chambers. Very Thorough and nice. Did take the time to review my file and scans. Discussed procedures available and outcome. Then yesterday I met Dr. Mamonous. I felt renewed and comfortable. He took over a hour with me and my husband. Pulled up my mammograms from 2013,2015,2018 and ultra sounds. Explain that triple negative cancers can start off as a hormonal breast cancer then turn into triple negative. He also explained, as they all did, that the difference between going for clear margins and a mastectomy is more cosmetic but only reduce the reoccurrence from 2-4% with mastectomy and 6-8% with clear margins. Prior to finding that I had a positive lymph node I was leaning more towards clear margins. But as this discovery has shown me that this cancer is aggressive, I too must be aggressive in my decision. He also stated that I should have never had the lumpectomy without another biopsy and MRI because of the size. But we can’t go backwards only forward. So the plan and yes plans can change is once I am done with chemo and heal I will have my surgery. As surgery scares me the most I know that it is something I must conquer in order to be cancer free.

If there is anything that comes of this, it is to know your body, push when you just don’t agree with the Dr.s and don’t go into surgery until you know what you have. Get the right treatment!

I continue to see the light even when the darkness comes. It is the grace of God that keeps me strong. My family and friends that are there for me. The cards, text messages and calls that all help me get through this journey. It’s not just my journey but all of ours together. I love you all!

Today marks my 3rd session of the second phase on chemo. Yes, we have phases. Once again they tried to access my port and the first try was a bust. A little part of me want to cry but I held on tight to those tears and they called in a second person. She tried and was in! I wanted to jump up for joy. Who would have thought that you would jump for joy just to access a port.

So my premeds ran about an hour then they did taxol for an hour and then carbo for another hour. That is the new chemo that will be added every 3 weeks for the remaining 9 weeks. The side effects are naturally the same. Dizziness, weakness, tired, bone pain, hair loss. She as every eye lash falls I try to hold on to it. As every hair from my eyebrow falls a gasp for a breath. As the aches begin in my back, the thought of cancer spreading enters my mind. It does but for only a brief second. Because if I chose that path it will be hard to get out of it. So as she plugged in the carbo I thanked God for finding the positive lymph node. This way we can fight stronger. I also asked God to make me whole again. Yes, my faith is the key to my success and I will not accept any criticism or negativity. When one is faced with death you either grow stronger or turn away. I choose to be stronger and grow in my faith. I will not push my faith on anyone and everyone has the right to believe or not believe. All I ask is to respect my decision. We live a world that faith is becoming obsolete. Maybe just maybe that is why we have so much cancer, social issues and divide in our country. To bring people back to their faith. I don’t have the answers but I do have faith. And as the Bible says all I need is faith the size of a mustard seed. Ok so my blog was to be only on today’s treatment and I went off a tangent.

What I know for sure (as Oprah says), Cancer sucks, and you must fight it with all you have.Be open to suggestions whether its eastern medicine or western medicine. Maybe it’s both. You have to fight and fight every day. Take out the negative people and bring in joy. Life is short and you have to enjoy it to the fullest. Lead by example. When the mean girl comes out put her back in her place and let the kind loving girl fight the battle.

I continue to be blessed! I got this! Thank you God!

On Saturday, October 20th my friends, Tracee, Janet and their husbands joined my family for a 5k foundrasier. This event started only a few years ago and the money goes to help women in our county that can’t pay for the medical procedures. The event was fun although the turnout was small it was organized well. I met a fellow warrior Robin That is fighting my similar battle and we share Dr. names and procedures.

Both couples drove 10 hours each this weekend and I am so grateful that we got to spend the weekend together. Although very loud at times (thank God for Juan’s headset)! We ate authentic Cuban food made by a 1/16th of a Cuban, drank wine (sipping for a cure), shopped at Renningers and just spent good old time together. It was very special as lately all my weekends have been filled with events and visits.

I most say the emotions after the run did get to me! But for less than five minutes. Lol The feeling of accomplishment of doing a 5k while doing chemo treatments, was just amazing. To think back in February both Tracee and I did a half Marathon and that was impressive! I couldn’t have done it with their help and their spouses.

I also had another visit from my friend Tani and her family. I got to see them two weeks in a row. She has been in my life longer than my husband. We have watched other grow and become wives and mothers. She has been sounding board and has been instrumental to my journey with cancer. Wow! So blessed in so many ways!

I know coming to visit takes time away from their loved ones but I have to say it helps me go through this journey so much easier. My weekends are filled with happiness. I can’t explain how it feels when your journey is a long one but you have support from so many places.

So yesterday I went for my weekly chemo and got the results from my biopsy. The lymph node does have cancer. While the Dr. told me I stayed strong and said it was ok. I looked at Juan and also said it was ok. The Dr. offered some alternatives. Possible trail at MDA, Orlando Health or Moffitt. She mentioned adding Carbo to my Taxol treatment. The goal was to go into surgery cancer free. That might be a little harder now. If I don’t do any trails the plan is to do another ultra sound in four weeks and confirm no progression.

Although I had moments of sadness yesterday and despair I kept my head up! I was reminded yesterday that you can keep your head up in prayer and gratitude but tears can come down your face at the same time!

I am grateful that they found it now and can treat it with something else. God willing it will work and I can go into surgery cancer free. If not that’s ok too because I will come out cancer free.

I have such a great support team from my family, friends, colleagues and The Redtail ladies. You name it I am blessed. As they say it takes a village to raise a child and it takes a village to fight cancer. I thank everyone whom has showed me support and kindness through this process.

https://www.aetna.com/health-guide/supporting-loved-one-cancer-practical-emotional-tips.html?cid=soc-21806121-1726817-230993815-66961592

What a nice event it was and a great weekend! Quick but a good break.

The Lisa Boccard foundation was created to help women get mammograms when they couldn’t afford to. It now pays for so many other things. She started in Coral Springs and now donated for all of BROWARD. The foundation has been around since for 15 years and has help saved many women’s lives.

Lisa mentioned a few things that touched me. She said she was never mad. I can’t say that for myself! She also said she did what she had to do and that the plans changed throughout the process. Now, that I can agrees with. She also said, “a day mad is a day wasted”! I most say that I can agree with. Even though cancer sucks there are gifts that come with it. Gifts of faith, friendships and family that are there to support you and most importantly the gift of learning about yourself and others!

I am strong! I am blessed! I got this!

Yesterday was my first session of phase two chemo. My chemo will be 12 weekly sessions of taxol. But depending on my Lymph Node results my oncologist might add carbo. That is another chemo agent.

Today was my biopsy and I have to say the procedure wasn’t as bad. Yes, uncomfortable as they did the ultra sound first then the Dr came in and reviewed the US then went over the possible side affects; infection, bleeding, etc. Then I signed the release and they came back and numbed the area first then injected another numbing med for inside. They showed me the needle machine and pressed it so that I would not be afraid of the loud snap when they get the tissue. Then they pulled the first tissue sample then the second. Lastly they placed a tag. Then I was asked to go and wait as they had to do a mammogram to confirm the tag can be seen.

As I stood in front of the mammogram machine the emotions overcame me as I thought wow, I’m 49 and this is only the beginning. I have more chemo, surgery, radiation, surgery and possibly more chemo. But then the tech said God is with you and he puts you in situations that only you can overcome and places you with people to support you. She was right. I am blessed. And even though I have been emotional the last few days I know I am the lucky one. Strong enough to fight strong enough to cry and strong enough to overcome! Regardless of the lymph node biopsy I am fighting it and it will be removed!

I am blessed! I got this!

So on Friday I received a call from my oncologist. She asked if I had been to the surgeon yet for my consultation. I said no that Dr. Chambers is no longer with ORLANDO Health but I have a appointment with the Genetic counselor on Thursday. She said she got off the phone with the Dr. that read my MRI and that the breast looked fine but looked like one lymph node could be affected with Cancer. She said she would like to continue with Chemo on Monday but also schedule a biopsy to see if the following week she should add carbo!

So now I have to go back to the FRI Radiology Imaging center and they will do the guided biopsy for the lymph node.

I have to say that I am upset to say the least! After going yesterday to the Harley Davidson Pink show I realized this is a process. A process that will change from day to day. As much as I want to be in control I can’t. I saw these women yesterday as they told their story and thought ok I GOT THIS! One lady had seven surgeries! Seven! Some ladies had recently completed chemo and their mastectomy and starting their reconstruction. One lady has gone through it twice! I have to say my emotions ran high I even got a damn headache from fighting the tears. But it was good to see they made it and so will I!

Funny how I can fight and keep a smile on my face but the minute someone else speaks of their journey I lose it! I guess that will be next weeks therapy session.

I know I got this and I am blessed!

So today I had the pleasure of experiencing my first MRI. All I can say is that it is an experience.

The staff was great and accommodating but overall it was an experience. She started off by inserting the IV for the contrast. Since it was a breast MRI, you lay on your stomach and you boobs hang down into these two basket like contraptions. Your hands lay straight forward like superman and you have to lay still.

I was given headphones and she started to roll me in. I could feel my butt touching the machine and I knew I had to control my breathing. I took the opportunity to pray and thank God for all my supportive friends and family and for allowing me to go through this journey with a sense of peace. The first set of pictures was 8 min, then 4 mins, then 1 min. She then injected the contrast. Then again 8,4,1! The music hardly covered the banging from the machine. But then it was all over. The 25 min test seemed like an eternity. It was an emotional experience but then again lately it all has been.

I know that this will be a routine test for me. I’ll have to get this done every six months or so but as my sister says, “it’s your report card to show your progress”!

I got this! I am blessed!