The Hair is Gone!  So since my second chemo my hair started to fall out! Each morning I would wake up and just cry as I brushed my hair. On Wednesday night I finally decided to have the discussion with the family that the time is coming that I must shave my head. Right away I go the support from Noah. He said “come on let’s do it now”. I told them that they did not have to shave their heads in order to make me feel better. I told them that losing my hair was painful enough, I didn’t want them to have to feel my pain too! Then Juan said, I think you should wait, it’s late and you won’t be able to sleep. As much as that was true I also realized this was just as hard for him as it is for me. So I decided it wasn’t the right time.

It is now Friday, and it had to have been the most emotional day in a while. I walked almost 2 miles and all while crying. I decided today is the day. Juan had texted me that he bought a new pair of clippers for me. So throughout the day as I worked I knew today would be the day. Juan came home with the clippers and I went to the bathroom. He quickly followed me and said what are you doing. I said it’s time! He quickly said I’ll help you. I wanted to do it alone and not put anyone else through this missory but he was there. Right by my side. I could see he wasn’t ready but I was. After the first or second swipe the tears stopped. I had  a feeling of peace and calm. I actually felt free. I had read before that women get a sense of freedom and let me tell you that was exactly what occurred! It was like “fuck cancer” I so got you! Then I looked in the mirror and said ok it isn’t that bad. It was kinda comical cause as Juan shaved me he would say, “it doesn’t look bad”. I wasn’t sure if he was saying it for himself or for me but I noticed he was feeling much better about it!

Juan and I had dinner plans with some friends in Orlando and Juan said are you gonna wear the wig? I said, NO! Then I said wait why do you feel uncomfortable. He said no ma’ma you look beautiful! I said well I don’t think so but… so he said call Tani. I knew Tani was away celebrating Joeys birthday and I didn’t want to interrupt or ruin her weekend. Plus I knew she would be kind to me and tell I looked good. So I quickly said I know who would tell me the truth! Let’s call Freddy. So I FaceTime Freddy. I can’t tell you what a delight experience. He had the biggest smiles and said it looks good. You look good. The hair sometimes gets in the way of beauty! Thank you Freddy!

So off to dinner with no wig! I felt so empowered. I thought ok people are gonna look at me and I’m gonna feel like shit! I will tell you. I felt good, I felt confident and I felt pretty! I Am Blessed!