I wake up on Saturday and couldn’t fight the feeling of sadness. The tears rolled down my face as I say to myself “WHY”?  Then I think why are you crying? Is that 9/6 marks five years without my Mom? And I know if she where here she would be right by my side!  Is it a petty party? Is it that I wake up every morning thinking what will I feel today? Is that I know have to give myself insulin now because of this chemo? Then I wipe the tears and move on. No one can see me cry, no one most hear how shitty cancer is. I most walk with my head up and be positive. God this is exhausting!

I head to see my therapist and listen to her say, be in the moment, it is ok to just be. Be sad, be mad you are entitled, you have Cancer. I wanted to prove that Cancer is ok and can be dealt with dignity  and grace. But the realty is, it sucks! The aches, pains and the horrible taste of metal that consumes your every bite. It is a mental and physical struggle. I still feel fortunate that what I feel is nothing compared to others.

So I leave the therapist and go to have lunch with hubby. We walk in and it’s like I don’t exist. Funny how the younger generation do not know how to handle a bald lady. They can’t look at you in the eye. But it’s ok! I smile and try to make them comfortable. We have a beautiful lunch and my fortune said “Victory is around the corner”! So Juan’s says what corner? If it was only that easy.

So you see I do have bad days! Day’s that come with aches and emotions. But I do see the rainbow and I am blessed. I have so much support from family and friends. I realize that I have touched so many through the years and now they are there to support me. High School friends that have reached out, neighbors that text and send cards, old colleagues that send encouragement. And how I can not mention the support of my husband that wakes me up every morning telling how beautiful I am and how much I mean to him and gives me kisses!

I am Blessed!