I started the day reading this article “Julia Louis Dreyfus and Other Celebs Open Up About Beating Breast Cancershttp://a.msn.com/05/en-us/BBO01Yi?ocid=se“. As I read the article I could relate to many of their comments. Then I realized that through this blog I have expressed a lot of feelings but have kept it positive for the most part. I have kept some of the ugly and scary stuff out. So I will keep things positive but I will be honest and relate all the good and the bad.
I can also related to the message of knowing your body and pushing Dr.s when they say you are ok but you know you aren’t. If you have dense breast you must push for more extensive testing. So that you aren’t misdiagnosed then Years later be told you have Stage 3B triple negative Breast Cancer. That is a very aggressive cancer.
I can also relate to the message of Immense gratitude for all the support I have gotten through my journey. I have learned so much about humanity through these past months. From the lack of support of a few family members that have chosen not show up or shut me out to leaders that have gone through the same diagnosis and haven’t reached out. But those few people are over shadowed by all the support and love of other family members, friends, and colleagues! So when I get sad because I want to connect with them I reflect on all the other people that want to know how I am doing.
This article also reminded me that this is the time to put myself first. As women we tend to be the caretaker to so many and put ourselves second, third maybe even last. That’s just what we do. For years I was the caretaker for my mom, then my Dad and my mother in law for a short period of time. And let’s not forget raising three boys, yes three my stepson for 8 years and of course Noah and Lucas. But now is the time that I must come first! As difficult as it is it most be in order to win this fight.
Above are the implants I saw today while interviewing a plastics surgen. I interviewed Dr. Richard Klien. What an experience. When I walked in and saw those implants I felt my blood pressure rise. I was anxious and scared. This was just another phase of my journey. The Dr. walked in and all I can say is what a character. He was wearing black skinny jeans, stripped pink and purple socks, a purple and gold scarf and a long beaded necklace. He started off by saying we all looked alike and I didn’t get it. Then Juan explained all three of us are bald. Well putting aside his outrageous wardrobe aside he spoke to us at our level, took his time to explain the best procedure for me and was so pleasant. He then measured my boobs from so many angles that I felt like I was a science project. But I understand it is needed for the surgery. My boobs have seen more people in the past few months then in my entire life. Maybe I should hit New Orleans. Ok maybe not…. so then he proceed to suggest the Diep Flap. This is a procedure where he takes the fat and blood vessels from my stomach and construct my breast. It is a bigger surgery but the best option. When we finished our discussion he said to wait that his nurse would come in and take pictures. The nurse walked in and asked me to remove my gown. I had my pants on and she asked me to lower my pants down to my pubic area. Tears started flow down my eyes and I asked Juan to step out. Yes he has seen me naked many times but I didn’t want him to see me cry and humiliated. The nurse stopped and said “do you want a minute”, I quickly replied no I’m fine let’s just get this over with. She was very nice and made sure I was ok. I can’t explain all the emotions one goes through from the loss of your hair and walking around bald to showing your boobs to total strangers and now my entire naked body being pictured. All I can say is I am stronger than I thought. It goes without saying that you just don’t know how strong you are until you are tested. As far as the surgery and the Diep Flap option and another 6 hour surgery It terrifies me but it is another phase of my journey. So this is the plan thus far; after chemo one month of rest, bi lateral mastectomy with a spacer implanted. Weekly fills of the spacer then 6 weeks of daily radiation, 3-4 months of healing then reconstruction. Possible more chemo then tattoo nipples. Yes, they can not spare the nipples. So tattooing is an option down the road. The journey is long but once it is over I promise to be a support for other Breast cancer patients and family supporters. I will give back what I have been blessed to receive.
Journey through My Cancer 
Praying for you Itzi!
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Thank you Leila
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Itzi, my heart breaks for you having to go through this but at the same time you can’t help but be so proud of you, your outlook for the future, strength and courage. If Dr. Klein works with Orlando Health. I believe he is the same surgeon my friend at worked used and loved him. She also had the flap procedure dine6 and is pleased with the outcome. It did take several steps and she was in pain and discomfort on and off but in the end she is happy she did it. Prayers for you. Love Virginia
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Thank Virginia! Yes that is him! He comes highly recommended, very scary stuff but I’ll get through it with all the support and my faith!
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Itzi, please ask your doctor if he can put the spacer ABOVE the muscle. It really reduces the pain because so many muscles are cut the other way. I know only it depends on your body and your location of the cancer but it certainly doesn’t hurt to ask. I had one doctor refuse to do it because it is relatively new procedure. I talked to 3 plastic surgeons.
I only had a single mastectomy so I had to have reduction of the other boob thrown on there
It’s all so much to fun! I’m with you on the pictures very humiliating but in the over all picture, it ain’t nothing but a thing… Oh, they also did a nipple reconstruction for me then I got the tat… it’s a longgggg and seemingly endless journey but taking each day and each step one at time gets you through. YOUR RIGHT, IT’S TIME TO CONCENTRATE ON YOU! that’s the hardest part. Love you strong lady!
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Thank you Lynette. Yes he mentioned that he would put it above the muscle and he did draw the picture that he creates the fake nipple too! Crazy shit isn’t it! I’ve been meaning to talk with you. Can you send me your number in Facebook message?
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Itzi, I’ve had a couple friends recently go through breast cancer. Each journey was different. One friend did not want anyone, not even her family, to know any details or even visits or conversations about cancer after her surgery. The other, a closer friend, leaned mainly on her family and shut her friends out until after the double mastectomy. Then she felt comfortable talking about the reconstruction phase. This has taught me that everyone handles this dx differently and chooses different support systems.
You are helping not only yourself by letting your feelings and emotions out but you are also educating so many people about the strength it takes to fight this disease. If I lived closer, I would be sitting down with you (of course with a glass of wine) and simply be your friend to be used however you needed in that moment. Whether it was to laugh, cry, scream, or just be silent, I would be there with you every step of the way.
Hugs, my friend.
Terry
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Thank you Terry, and yes you are right everyone’s journey is different and the way they choose to share is their proagative. For me it helps to speak up for many reasons, for awareness to know your body, to help families and friends support their love ones and it is part of my therapy to heal. I too wish you would be closer for the wine and support.LOL But you reading my blog and commenting is support! And I thank you from the bottom of my heart!
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You’ve got this!
💪💖💪 xo
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Hi Itzi, Well, I’m in tears. Thank you for your selflessness, for sharing the private details of your journey. I’m sorry you have to go through all of this. And sad that breast cancer affects, I think it’s one out of every 8 or 10 women? yuhhkmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,Ok, that was Muffin. He jumped on the keyboard–going to let it be in hopes it makes you laugh.
Stay strong, my friend. And know that it’s ok to break down. This is very hard, and you’re human, so it’s ok to cry, Itzi. But remember that so many of us care and have your back! I can’t wait till this is all behind you/us. xoxo
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