It was 4am and I woke up in tears. Tears of fear of what is next to come. I have been strong through the chemo for the most part and have been at peace knowing God is with me. But recently I feel a little distant and fear has sent in.

This journey has taught me a lot about myself and others. About cancer, faith, and mindset. I have learned that I am a number “2” on the ideogram. It says I am a healthy “2” but sometimes I wonder. I encourage everyone to take the test. It can truly help you understand yourself and why you do the things you do. I’ve learned that you can’t force people to be in your life that don’t want to be and to try to let that go. I have learned that some people are scared to reach out or talk about “cancer” and I can not judge them for that. I have learned that no one truly will understand my journey as it is mine to take!

And when it is all said and done I am reminded that God is with me. That fear will come but it will not stay. That in the moment of despair he will guide me. You see after the tears at 4am today I stayed up and just allowed so many thoughts to enter my mind. Then I started to read my emails and I read an email that is a daily devotional from a site called “Girlfriends in God”. It hit the spot. The reminder that I am not alone and that God will continue to guide me and heal me. I will have that peace again. And when fear creeps it’s ugly head again I will fight it!