It is amazing how your emotions can change by the minute. The last two days I have been sad, angry and frustrated. I have gone from, why to what the hell from one minute to the next. Then I took a nap and woke up thinking ok. Time to put your big girl panties back on and get on a plan.

This week when I went to see my surgeons I wanted to announce that I am cancer free! But I can’t. Yes all the visible cancer was taken out. Only one of the ten lymph nodes showed cancer and I still had 10mm cancer tumor in my breast. The goal was to go to surgery cancer free but that was not my case. So this will mean more chemo, then radiation and recon. They are also trying to put me on a trail. So although I wanted so bad to say I am cancer free and I am a survivor, I can’t! But then I was reminded that as long as I am alive I am a cancer SURVIVOR!

I decided to take another week off, since I have two Dr.’s appointments and want to give myself some time to get my head straight. On Monday I have to see my oncologist, Dr. Ajaz. I will hopefully leave with a game plan. A plan that can change by the minute and I am not in control of. On Tuesday I get to see the plastic surgeons PA and get 2 of the 4 drains taken out and get fills (can’t wait). one thing I have realized through this process is that we/I tend to worry about the process and how I will make it. To then realize I made it. By the grace of God those worries and concerns are put aside by a calmness that only God can grant. I reflect back to when I was concerned about the diagnosis, then the surgical procedure for the port, then the chemo, loss of my hair, MRI, double mastectomy. You name it every step has been one that I have taken with concern, sometimes fear but always with faith. I do not by any means think it was foolish to feel the way I did but I do realize that the human body is much stronger than we think. With God, a positive mind, and support, I can fight this battle.