Twenty sessions done, ten more to go! The good, the bad and the ugly. The good is that the Dr. says my skin looks good! She’s cray cray but I’ll trust her. The bad is they are scheduling me for the last week boost! Can’t wait. The ugly, is that radiation has been hurting my throat. I finally have given in to the notion that it is not from being sick or stress. Since they are radiating so close to my heart and throat you can actually see it on my skin how close they are. So the Dr. has sent a Rx for a lidocaine to numb my throat. Used it last night and got some relief.
I can’t explain it but since Monday each time I start the drive to radiation I get an overwhelming sadness feeling. I guess it is a sadness of disbelief and maybe a little self pity. But as I drive I remind myself that each day is one less session to come. I also remind myself that this is all temporal and the sun is shining. I did break down last night for a few minutes. I think I was just tired. After radiation I decided to run some errors. I went to the post office and went to the seafood market. Then I went to pickup the Rx at this speciality Pharmacy as CVS did not have the ingredients to compound the Rx. By the time I got home the throat pain and ear ache was unbearable. I went straight to bed. My dear and loving husband came to comfort me. And I just started to cry. I told him that I was tired of being sick and taking pills. He held me and told me he wish he could take it all away. This cancer has do a lot to us. But what I do know for sure is that it has made us a “Power Couple”!
So as I remind myself that it’s ok to cry, hurt and feel loved I am blessed. Blessed that God has put so many people near and far to help me fight this battle. Blessed that he has taken the selfish, rude and no caring people away from me so that I can heal.
For now, ten more sessions to go then on to the next stage!
Journey through My Cancer 
Hi Itzi, I can’t even begin to imagine everything you’re going thru. It is such BS!!!! I’m glad there’s a positive in that u and Juan have stayed strong and very together thru it all. Wish u were still here, cause I could be helping. 🙁 Love and hugs to u everyday. I can’t wait for good days ahead for you, and they’re coming. 😘
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Itzi, this may sound stupid or naive but you have educated myself and a lot of people by doing your blog. I can’t believe how you have done all of this. You are one strong woman and I think I would have thrown in the towel by now. Thank you for staying strong and you have every right to cry. Crying helps relieve the stress. I wish I were closer to you and could give you a hug or shoulder to cry on. The light at the end of the tunnel is near hold on.
Love
Lee Jenkins
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Lee! I appreciate you reading the blog and commenting. It does make me feel like somehow I can help others.
LikeLike
I don’t know you personally, but I know your struggle. Tears are good, Let them flow. And God bless your husband for his support and compassion. My cancer struggle ended in divorce.
LikeLike
Thank you and sorry to hear your marriage ended in Divorce. One truly never knows how others will react to such a change in their life. I hope you are well now.
LikeLike
🙏🙏🙏🙏that each day you feel better. I’m sorry I’m so far away . Love you my friend and pray for you all the time ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love you Jackie! I wish you were closer too! But we need to plan a trip.
LikeLike
I wanted you to know that you aren’t alone with crying. Im dx with NSCLC Stage IV lung cancer. I’ve so far had radiation on my hips, a femur and my foot. Everytime I’m laying on that table, I’m crying. They try to make it inviting (blue sky and clouds with palm trees on the ceiling and they play any sort of music you want)…but it is still so cold and so lonely. I’m also this way with CT, PET and MRI scans. Always crying! I will keep you in my thoughts for getting to NED…you can do this!
LikeLiked by 1 person