Yesterday was my oncologist visit for being on Xeloda for 3 cycles. Remember it two weeks on and one week off that constitutes a cycle. I know they would want to draw blood and flush my port. So as all the wonderful nurse greeted and mentioned how nice my hair is growing back. I requested Caroline to access my port. She walked in and we all felt pretty good she was gonna get it the first time. She said are we doing 3/4 inch needle and I said sure. We’ve done it before. So she cleans the area, then sprays me with cold spray. They call me the ice queen. I have them spray till it is all white. She pressed down on the port and inserted the needle. Flushed the port and I knew she was in as I tasted the saline. Then she drew the blood. She went to exchange the tune and the blood stopped. She asked me to breath deep and as I did a little more blood came out but then stopped again. She said let’s do the 1 inch needle and I of course said, sure. I said my prayer and closed my eyes. She iced me again and as she counted 1,2,3 I felt my entire left are go numb. I said oh no it hurts. She stopped and pulled the needle out. Seems that she hit a nerve. CRAY CRAY!

So after I comforted her and told it was ok the Dr came in. She says I am doing well but would like to get me CT scans. She wants to be aggressive for the first two years. Says that if I stay clear for two years I have a good chance or survival. She mentioned that Aetna will not cover the Pet-scan but they will the CT scan. I have so many mixed emotions.

So I then go to the store to exchange some clothes and the wonderful sales lady tried to help me find a dress. I told her thank you but I’m in a transition phase and nothing truly looks or feels good. She notice my lymphedema sleeve and said it was cool. Then she mentioned her mom had cancer. So we started to talk about the cancer. Her mom was first diagnosed in 2016 had a double mastectomy, radiation and chemo. I asked her what type and of course triple negative like me. I then proceeded to ask her how she was. Her eyes teared up and the skin on her arms had goose bumps. She looked up at me and said she now has brain cancer. She said I was hoping you wouldn’t ask. I reached over the counter grabbed her hand and said, it is ok. I told her I was sorry hear that but it was ok. So as I walked out I held my tears and thought holly shit here I am fighting a battle and yet comforting others.

As I get in my car a college of mine calls and asks if I could speak. She has an employee that was just recently diagnosed and is overwhelmed. So naturally I said yes and I spoke with her. The lady was denied a Petscan because she had to pay $1800. I just don’t get it! These costs are outrageous. So we spoke a little and I told her she could call me anytime. I felt happy in speaking with her and hopefully I made her feel somewhat better. Then I realized a few things. One we all have our own journey to walk and we all need to not judge one another but be there to give that helping hand. Even in times when we need it most. Every interaction with someone is an interaction that can save a life, put a smile on their face or just for those fives minutes feel connected to someone. I also realized that I have to get out there speak to other women. I just have to find how and in what forum! God I am so blessed! Even through this journey I have so much to give! We all do, if we can only put others first.

I am blessed! I got this!